If you know one thing about me, you probably know I am a self-appointed priestess of the church of Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter, first of her name, slayer of vocal runs, master of stages, and snatcher of Grammys. There has never been a performer at her level, period. Let’s fight about it later. However, two nights ago, my mother and sister went out the door in silver-bedecked outfits and I didn’t. I’ll explain why.
Back in February when Queen B announced her Renaissance tour, I had around $500 in my personal fun-money envelope. Now, if you went through Foundations with a partner, you know how important this category is. It is unskippable, unstealable and it is a saver of marriages. You can quote me on that.
Now, these pre-sale tickets were going to come to $350 a pop. I had enough. But, here’s the kicker, I was planning a daddy/daughter ski trip with my father the very next month. We were also on a break from our PBS show which means money was a bit tighter than usual. So, I wrestled with it. I’ve told every client I’ve worked with that I would adjust my budget for no one but her. We are not poor. I can take this from another category, easy peasy! At this rate I’ll be over 40 when she tours again!
On the other hand, I thought…would I like it if Philip overspent his fun money and affected the rest of our budget? Hell no. Was seeing Bey for the third time more important than having quality time with my father? Nope. So I said just that…no.
Unfortunately, the ski trip didn’t end up happening. We even got a big influx of money the very next month. But there I was, ticketless, staring down the barrel of a $1,000 price tag if I still wanted to join. I won’t lie and say I have no regrets. I do. I’ve seen the videos. I wish I had been there next to my sister getting hoarse from singing and sore from dancing. You know what I don’t regret? Respecting my own boundaries.
In my work, I often see people who are afraid of their money. They refuse to pull from savings when they clearly need to. They go into analysis paralysis if/when they get a bonus or inheritance. They don’t trust themselves so they create these tangled webs of cash-flow designed to distance themselves from their own money. The reason I’m not like that isn’t because I’m smarter or know the difference between a mutual fund and an ETF, it’s because I trust myself enough to say no when I need to. That wasn’t something I was born with. At all. It’s something I learned how to do.
So here’s your reminder, if I can say no to Mrs. Carter, you can too. You have agency. Beyonce herself did not have a gun to my head demanding I pay for this ticket. That restaurant will have another opening when you have more money. Your best friend will still want to go on a girls’ trip with you next year. It’s going to be ok. No, you may not have dressed up like a disco ball for the Renaissance tour, or gathered an armful of friendship bracelets at the Eras tour (which I was offered a $150 ticket for ::headdesk::). Prove to yourself that you have the strength to do something that many don’t: the ability to say no to what you want now so you can say yes to something you want most.